A Road Less Traveled

When can I officially declare myself reborn of my old self? Will it be the resulting shed layers of old skins? And what of my thoughts and my hearts condition...do those things find themselves renewed as well?

These matters become trivial as I continue on my quest for this person I know, but I've yet to come face on with in the mirror.

Who is she?

Where does she go from then on or even from here?

She, or shall I say I doesn't know...but she has faith and a promise. Not like those of man, who change reluctantly with the brush of the winds, but in something so unprofound and unthinkable...most onlookers will never see its reality.

So I'll go on staring this mirror on, until the fog fades and the images clarity begins to shape.

Where Did I Go....Wrong?

So on this path of mine it seems as though I'm pushing forward and yet the vague remnants of things that I like to attribute to the past as seeping in. Where did I go wrong?

Pause.

Pause a bit longer.

Reflecting.

Reflected.

Shaking my head and sighing as I come into agreement.

I went wrong, well I steered off path when I decided to allow the "what ifs" to determine "what happens." I veered somewhere into the line of fire as I like to call it because it seems as though only static and heat come from this direction only I can see and feel as a result of entertaining what may in fact just be an illusion.

I'm tired.

And I don't mean that I'm sleep deprived, I mean I'm truth deprived. Devastated, because the only truth deprivation that I'm experiencing is my own. Since when is life and death in the tongue of the OTHER person and NOT my own? Ahhh.....I caught myself in the moments of reflecting on where it all went down hill.

Reclamation.

A slip has turned to perpetual slipping and I have fallen. On the upside of things...I've gotten back up. Actually I'm standing now and I got back what I thought I lost when I asked "Where did I go wrong."

Well...perhaps I went right only to go "wrong" and realize I was along the intended path to begin with. The minor upset that I encountered was only a condition of the road that I have far passed as of now.

Rejoicing.

I'm on the right path heading right again.....well, at least until I have to check myself and ask the famed question.

On change...

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

-Alan Cohen

Did You Close The Door On Forgiveness?

Forgive and FORGET.

True or False?

Attainable or Fallible principle we're taught to strive for?

I'm struggling with understanding the true principle of forgiveness. Better yet, I like to blame my human condition on my individual limitations and short-comings. However, I truly beg the question of whether or not I have the power to forgive myself first, and then others. The irony of this, is that I'm only self evaluating as a result of posing the question to someone else.

Question: Have you forgiven yourself?

Answer: No.

Short question and an even shorter answer. But as a result a deep revelation into the complexity of our existences and our hearts. Is it larger than self to take the first steps to forgiving? Even when that forgiveness should begin within ourselves? (scratching my head)

Nevertheless, take the courage and get over who you once were so that you can fully embrace who you are today. If you live comparatively to the person you were before the growth process what happens to the person you've become as a result of it? Although we've confined forgiveness into this unattainable vault of backstabbing best friends and random co-workers you're still trying to forget....realize that the key first fits in unlocking the spirit of forgiveness within yourself.

And I'm sure you'll read this and wonder what made me write this, and perhaps what made me write it specifically to you, but so you know its not in judging you that I'm doing this. And like so many of us, the old "skins" we wore are perhaps like night compared to ther fresh breath of daylight air we are today. Clark Kent and Superman....it always resonates when I sit back and really reflect on you...I can put a face on the person, some features as well, but I always seem to miss something in retrospect. Perhaps you know better than I do, but regardless of the facts either past or present you must face the reality that you were beautifully designed and created to do those very same things you struggle with forgiving yourself over.

Your blessings come from your past, they design the footholds that will only propel you upwards even if you realize the propensity you have to falling and back-tracking.

...(Sigh)...I'm Thinking.

They say some of the BEST things in life come unexpectedly, in unexpected paces and in unexpected ways. Jokes aren't jokes anymore-and those days, well they'll fade. But its only as a result of them that we are where we are today. Learning and listening, while disregarding what was really in the works between us. If only we had the understanding to correlate our experiences; maybe then the choices that were made then wouldn't have been. Maybe, just maybe we wouldn't have to question where we are today. Regardless of the facts that pertain to these matters, we've made it...all of us, each in our own separate ways, all on our own separate paths. Only to find one another yet again, realizing that we've made it only far enough to realize, retell and perhaps recommit past offenses we've still yet to learn.

But, that's our nature after all isn't it? We move forward only to look back and learn in order to continue further along in the journey.

As a result of these things, I wonder how progressive we are. Not only in truth, but also in the rhythmic beats of our hearts and spirits? Do our friendships parallel our ideals of love and self love; or are we conditionally conditioned to rate our existences on scales that are neither quantitative or qualitative--but merely happen to exist?

I'm tired of concluding that seeking self has to come from within and that most things* only provide temporary relief because they offer alternatives as opposed to direct solutions. And while I rest on the subject, I'd like to state that its topical and less than water soluble--because the lines hereafter are rarely ever clear cut. They just blend and erase with the passing of time, like all things do.

In the process though, well...I mean in the PROCESS of losing me, I'll find you and neglect to realize my initial reason for searching for "self". It was my purpose to find me, but like I said instead I found you, ideals and a cause. More importantly, I discovered that its all a maze that ends where it begins and restarts somewhere in the middle.

Chaos you'd say, but "normality" as I've come to understand both the flaws of life and my life subjectively.

...(Sigh)...Mondays make me think, so I thought long and hard today.

Self-Medicating Stiletto's Steal The Show!

I'm an addict; can't go without it for too long, less I find myself strung out and in bits and pieces wondering when I'd ever gone this long without a glance over of something as sensational.

I'm a junkie; I'd beg to know if you'd seen it or caught a glimpse of the best that has still yet to come.

I'm craving; like the best chocolate cake I've ever had or better yet the red velvet goodness that has been compared to being better than sex....I need, I need, I need it!

I'm restless; anticipation always gets the best of me when I realize that I have to figure out how I plan to get my fix.

I'm a feign; also referred to as junkie or addict...but it sounds a little more risque...it keeps you guessing.

So....

I'm on the path to the best solution; I'm self-medicating with the best therapeutic solution my imagination has stumbled upon.

I'm A Stiletto SweetHart; yes, a StilettoSweetHart. Which means my fashion explosion is soon to come and coming outrageously soon. The best of art, music, fashion and yes...ME!

I'm kicking off 22 on the stylishly bedazzled right and left foot with my secret indulgence....follow me onto stilettosweetharts.blogspot.com and on twitter!

As for now, I have music and fun colors to stare at....But of course there are Savvy Sundays to look forward to all the way through to Stifling Saturdays and Waring Wednesdays in between.

So stay tuned, stay fly and keep the fashion police at bay!